Talking to your children about your partner’s deployment

Being a military spouse is difficult and perhaps the most difficult part is helping your children understand what it is to have a military parent and why their lives are different from the lives of their friends.

Children can experience a range of emotions and fears because of a ‘missing’ parent. They may not always know how to process these emotions. The results can include anything from depression to a child acting out.

Communication is key. Let’s take a look at a few things you can do to help your child deal with their parent’s deployment.

1) Be honest

Try giving them as much appropriate information as possible and make sure you are completely honest with your child. They should be able to trust your word as the absence of a parent already causes trust issues. Talking to them will help address fears or insecurities that they have about the service.

2) Make sure they don’t feel abandoned

It is very easy for younger children to feel like they have been abandoned when they don’t see one of their parents for a while. Make sure they don’t feel this. Keep reassuring to them that they are cared for and loved by both their parents and help them understand that this is just how life is. Plan things for them to look forward to when their parent is to return. The idea is to infuse as much positivity into everything as possible.

3) Have frequent conversations about the deployed parent

Make sure that the child feels that his or her deployed parent is an active part of the family by telling them stories and jokes. Share family photos and talk about the parent who is away so that the child feels connected to the parent. Not doing so can make the child feel distant and disconnected from the deployed parent. Maintaining a connection will go a long way in helping the child deal with the situation.

4) Tell the children that the deployed parent also misses them

Your children need to feel loved and cared for which is why they should know that their parent whom they miss so much also misses them and that they aren’t alone in it. This will create a sense of belonging and will act as a bond between the children and the deployed parent. You should also think about exchanging letters, scheduling calls, etc.

5) Don’t let your child bottle up emotions

A lot of children tend to bottle up their emotions which can be harmful for their overall personalities. Keep a lookout for any changes in behaviour and always keep encouraging your children to share how they feel. If you feel that things may be getting serious, get professional help. Keep the lines of communication open at all times – share your own feelings to build a sense of empathy.

At the end of the day, having a deployed parent can be frightening, confusing and frustrating for children. This is why military spouses often have to play the role of both parents at times to make sure that their children don’t suffer.