Four first date problems solved

So you've decided to meet up with someone you've met online for that all-important first date. You've followed all the safety advice – for example, knowing that you're going to be meeting in a public place – and you've arrived to meet someone who could be the love of your life…

But sadly not all first dates go entirely smoothly. Just in case one of these four common potential problems comes up, here are some top tips that might just come to the rescue!

I'm not attracted to them!

It can happen. That young man who seemed to be such a catch in the photos and online messages might not end up seeming like someone you'd instantly connect with in real life – what do you do now you've committed yourself to a date?

The answer to this one is often obvious – just roll with it! If you've been surprised because of something that you wouldn't have been able to predict online – the way someone speaks, for example – that makes you feel they might not be for you, it's still important to spend time with them. This way, you'll be able to see whether they actually win you round – you could well be surprised!

On the other hand, if someone surprises you when you finally meet up because of something major and concerning – like the fact that they are a lot older than they said they were on their profile – you might have to think hard about whether to continue with the date.

It might well be awkward to make your excuses straight away. But if you feel comfortable doing so, continuing with the experience and gently bringing up the discrepancy with them could still turn the date into a fulfilling experience.

Conversation dies

Conversation isn't always as forthcoming as we'd like it to be on dates. Even people who seem to have a lot to say online can sometimes be quite quiet in reality, for example. So what happens if your date ends up being filled with long silences?

Well, first of all, don't worry too much about these, because a silence is only scary when you're desperately thinking that it reflects badly on the date experience. If there is a lull in conversation, calmly think about what your date has told you that you might want to hear more about.

Questions are always a good way to fill a void – and mean that you will come across as interested, and help your date to reveal more about themselves. Avoid asking about anything that might make them uncomfortable, though – after all, they are still a relative stranger at this point.

Don't rely solely on questions, either. Sometimes people are very good at talking about themselves, especially when you're opening the door for them to do so by questioning – but not so good at asking questions back.

As a general rule, whenever you've said something about yourself, it's polite and helps conversation to flow if you then question your date about something similar.

If you've just said where your last holiday was, finish by enquiring about theirs, for example.

If your date doesn't return the favour, it may be a case of learning the tricky art of answering questions that haven't been asked yet. So if a pause comes up, consider what you could tell your date about yourself that relates to a recent conversation topic.

Sometimes, it's a good idea to use natural breaks in the date – such as if someone goes to take a phone call – to consider what they have told you and think of new questions to ask based on those topics.

But bear in mind that, when conversation proves too tricky, it can sometimes simply be a sign that the date isn't really working!

I've been stood up!

It's every dater's biggest fear – you wait at the arranged destination for an hour and your date never arrives.

This is simple to solve – if your date is serious about the meeting, they will let you know if they possibly can that they are going to be late or have to cancel.

If they have a good reason for this, there's no reason not to rearrange the date and give them the benefit of the doubt.

Things may be trickier if you've been stood up and not been alerted or given a reason by the date, though. Careful thought will be needed before you arrange anything else with someone who does this.

They don't seem interested in me

Are you getting the impression the person at the other side of the table simply doesn't want to be there? That they've stood you up in all but body?

It's a hard issue to call, because it could be that the person is simply shy and could do with being re-engaged (asking gentle questions could help here).

But it could also be that they are simply not enjoying the date. If things really don't seem to be going well, never be afraid of making your excuses and leaving.

It can be hard to think of ways to end a date early, while remaining polite. If you do need to do this, excuse yourself and head to the bathroom – as it will offer you thinking time. When you return you will be able to take control of the conversation and move it to the subject of you leaving. If your date does seem upset and like they were enjoying the experience more than you had realised, you can always see them again another time if you want to.